Abby and Norma Webcomic

Abby and Norma #759

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 01:01:00 -0600

and what does folding paper have to do with either of them? WHO KNOWS

I am afraid a large percentage of my readership will not get these references.

TEXT OF COMIC:

If "Shinigami" means "death god" in Japanese, then "gami" must be a variant of "kami," meaning "god."
If that's the case, then "origami" means "Ori god."
THE ORI ARE THE TRUE GODS!
Only you could make a pun connecting Bleach and Stargate.

Abby and Norma #758

Thu, 29 Jul 2010 01:01:00 -0600

I guess if it weren't so common, it wouldn't be normality, anyway.

I find it easier to imagine enjoying physical pain than to imagine enjoying being labeled. But it takes all kinds to make a world, I guess.

TEXT OF COMIC:
Well, my old pillow finally got so far past the 10%-dust-mites mark that it was actually more dust mites than pillow.
Eww.
So I went to buy a new one. And apparently pillows are categorized in three types now: pillows for side sleepers, back sleepers and stomach sleepers.
Yeah, I've seen that too. Kinda weird.
See, I doubt those are even valid categories. I sure don't do all my sleeping in the same position. I'd be surprised to meet anyone who does. It's beyond me how you can separate all pillow-users into those three boxes.
Still, you can't blame pillow companies for pandering to a basic human drive.
Huh?
Most people love categorizing themselves-- through personality tests, astrology, or whatever. And they'll totally discount evidence that suggests they don't fit perfectly into any of the available categories, because that would rob them of all the fun of slapping a label on themselves.
You make normality sound like a really kinky fetish.
The only reason it isn't considered one is because it's so common.

Abby and Norma #757

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 01:01:00 -0600

Yes, Abby WAS just saying that to start an argument. She's kind of a jerk.

I suppose if you accept the premise that your only choices are immortality in heaven or immortality in hell, then you'll probably want to go to heaven even if you do believe that immortality would get totally boring after a while.

Still, interesting to see that Chrissy is such a glutton for pain and penance that the only thing about hell that she couldn't bear would be Abby's presence. I don't know if that means she finds Abby enjoyable, or if Abby's the one thing unpleasant enough to break her.

TEXT OF COMIC:
Isn't it wonderful that science will someday let us live forever in robot bodies?
You're saying that just to start an argument with me.
Oh, come on. You're no fun. Robot bodies would be awesome, you know. We'll eventually be able to make them with all the abilities and senses that organic bodies have.
Who would even want to live forever? You would eventually get tired of it.
You don't really believe that. If you did, you wouldn't want to go to heaven.
The only reason I want to go to heaven is because you won't be there.

Abby and Norma #756

Tue, 27 Jul 2010 01:01:00 -0600

I would pay money to see a sequel based on this premise.

Spring of Drowned Mosquito would be pretty ridiculous even for Ranma.

But I suppose an adult mosquito could drown. They can sit on the water's surface, but I bet they'd sink if you pushed them down in. (Which probably would mean that pouring water on her would kill her right after it turned her into a mosquito... so the idea's still ridiculous.)

TEXT OF COMIC:
...The end.
So, that was "The Wizard of Oz." Did you like it better than the movie?
I'm not sure. I still don't understand why pouring water on the witch made her disappear.
Oh, she didn't disappear.
Huh?
She just turned into a mosquito. She was so small no one saw her, so they all thought she was gone.
Why a mosquito?
Because ten years earlier, the witch had accidentally fallen into the Hot Spring of the Drowned Mosquito. So now she's cursed. Very tragic story.
I hate you.
Cold water turns her into a mosquito, but as soon as she finds some hot water, she'll be back in business.

Abby and Norma #755

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 01:01:00 -0600

She loved leaving Abby/with hands tense and grabby/to hang on the edge of a clif-iny.

There was a young lady named Tiffany
Who found that she had an epiphany:
that if you combine
an eagle and lion
the outcome is gruesome, not gryphony.

Or you could try this one. Baryphony: the internet taught me a new word.

TEXT OF COMIC:
Norma, help!
What?
I started making up a limerick, but I couldn't finish it, and it left me on a cliffhanger!
Well, that's a problem nobody's ever asked me for help with before.
Listen.
"There was a young lady named Tiffany
Who found that she had an epiphany..."
I can't finish it, Norma. There isn't a third rhyme. Now I'll never know how it ends! I can't stand the suspense!
How about:
"There was a young lady named Tiffany
Who found that she had an epiphany
Each time she would hum
The 'da da da dum'
At the start of Beethoven's fifth symphony."
Not only does that not RHYME, it doesn't tell me what the epiphany was. I'm dying here, Norma.
"There was a young lady named Tiffany
Who found that she had an epiphany.
'Twas a secret she'd save
And would take to the grave,
For to tell it would ruin the mystery."
That rhymes even less.

Abby and Norma #754

Fri, 23 Jul 2010 01:01:00 -0600

I'm glad this is an era when kids don't recognize "cuspidor" as an English word.

This is the real Toreador song. The parody Abby sings has been around a long time; my mom sang it to me since I was a very small child. (Probably why I turned out so weird.)

TEXT OF COMIC:
Eww! These cookies have raisins in them. *ptoo*
Did you just spit that out onto the floor?
Yes I did. Ecch.
You don't do that, Sharon. Remember the old song:
"Tor-e-ador,
don't spit on the floor,
Use the cuspidor,
that's what it's there for."
What? That doesn't even make sense. What does "toreador" mean?
It means "bullfighter."
Well, then I'll translate that song into English, okay? Here goes:
"Bull-fight-tair,
don't sit on my hair,
Use the comfy chair,
That is why it's there."
You didn't have to change the whole song. Most of it was already in English.
Not the "cuspidor" part.

Abby and Norma #753

Thu, 22 Jul 2010 01:01:00 -0600

Theory of mind won't work when the other mind is way different from yours.

Most of my own theory-of-mind trouble isn't that I assume people know things they couldn't possibly know-- it's that I assume they know things that they could figure out if they thought about it as much as I do.

I've definitely had situations where it was unclear whose theory of mind was worse. Mostly with my husband. But I think that's typical in male-female interactions. (Though I'm not as vague as a lot of wives and girlfriends. I've always been annoyed by women who give their men barely-detectable hints and expect them to understand.)

TEXT OF COMIC:
Abby, come in here and look at this!
I can't, idiot. I'm making instant pasta on the stove, and it'll burn if I stop stirring.
Well, how was I supposed to know that? You never told me you were going to make instant pasta.
Well, it's dinnertime, and I told you this morning that instant pasta is all I have in my dorm today.
I got up and went into the kitchen. You heard the cupboard open and shut, you heard me tear open a paper package, you heard water running, and then the temperature in the dorm went up a couple degrees. What did you THINK I was doing?
Wow, you have bad theory of mind, if you thought I was going to figure all that out.
No, YOU have bad theory of mind, if you DIDN'T figure it out.
But it's kind of a hazy distinction, isn't it-- the question of who has bad theory of mind. I wonder if an average person in your situation would have figured out what I was doing, or if an average person in my situation would have felt the need to explain it.
In this particular instance, it doesn't really matter what an average person's mind would have done. What matters is our ability to theorize the mind of the specific, individual person we are interacting with.
Well, neither of us correctly theorized the other's mind.
So we both have crappy theory of mind.
Who cares. Theory of mind is just normal people's delusion that they have telepathy, anyway.

Abby and Norma #752

Wed, 21 Jul 2010 01:01:00 -0600

blood diamonds are bloooody

If you let the psycho think that the virtual victim was a real person, it might work. (Same if you let the diamond-buyer think that the lab-created diamond was natural.)

TEXT OF COMIC:
I want a giant ice cream cake right now.
But I don't want to spend money, and I don't want to feel sick to my stomach afterwards and gain fifty pounds. I wish I could just plug in my brain and eat virtual reality cake.
Do you think virtual reality can satisfy all human desires?
Probably not. Some human desires have reality inherent in them.
For instance, I'm betting that sociopaths who desperately want to murder someone couldn't always be assuaged with a virtual victim. I think for some of them, the satisfaction is in the fact that the victim is real. If they knew it was an emotionless computer program, it couldn't work as an outlet.
Well, computer programs might not be emotionless in the future.
Yeah, but if you designed the computer program to have intelligence and feelings, then letting a psycho attack it would be as unethical as turning him loose on a human.
It's like diamonds. Scientists in labs can make diamonds that are completely identical to natural diamonds, but people still prefer natural diamonds just because they like the IDEA of them being natural.
I'm kind of disturbed that those were the first two examples you thought of.
The diamond industry and murderers are all the same at heart.

Abby and Norma #751

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 01:01:00 -0600

thou shalt not uncover the nakedness of YOURSELF

Oooh. In this comic, Abby uses a non-gender-specific word to describe Norma's potential mate, and Norma makes a threat that, if carried out, would result in her seeing Abby naked every day. The Abby/Norma slash fans are going to go crazy with this one.

I'm kidding, of course. My comic is not famous enough to have slash fans. Maybe some day...

TEXT OF COMIC:
Norma, what would bother you more: seeing a naked person in public, or having your spouse cheat on you?
What? I don't have a spouse.
I mean, if you did.
Well, either one would be pretty upsetting, but being cheated on would definitely be worse.
Do you think most normal people would feel the same way?
I'm pretty sure they would.
Then how come public nudity is illegal and adultery isn't?
Abby, if I hear one more critical analysis of public indecency laws, I'm burning all your clothes next winter.

Abby and Norma #750

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 01:01:00 -0600

organizing her own bookshelf was like a bookman's holiday

I've always been amused by the idea that once you've done something for money once, you've lost your amateur status and you are from then on a professional that-thing-doer. It almost makes me want to have sex with some stranger I meet in a bar, and then sneak out in the night and leave money on their dresser. "Ha ha, you're a prostitute now and you can never ever stop being one!"

TEXT OF COMIC:
Did you organize that bookshelf over there?
No, I hire a maid to come into my dorm and neaten up my shelves. Duh. Yes, I organized that bookshelf. Why?
Well, the neatness of bookshelves isn't something I notice a lot, but that bookshelf seriously looks awesome. The books are all lined up perfectly evenly, with nothing sticking out farther than anything else. You're really good.
I'm glad you think I'm talented at putting books on shelves.
You seriously are. You're, like, a professional.
A professional.
Yeah.
A professional book-on-shelf-putter.
Yeah. Truly.
The sad thing is that it's actually true. I do have a job at a bookstore.
Well, it shows.